How to Discipline Children in a Clever and Healthy Way?
How to Discipline Children in a Clever and Healthy Way
Positive discipline for better mental and physical health and a happier childhood
Every parent eventually faces the question: How do I keep my child disciplined without harming our relationship?
Raising children — especially frustrated teens or strong-willed youngsters — can test even the most patient parent. But one thing is clear: shouting, hitting, or shaming doesn’t solve problems. In fact, research shows it can make things worse over time.
Fortunately, there’s a better way: positive discipline.
Lucy Clover, Professor of Pediatrics at Oxford University, a family social worker, and mother of two, explains how this approach can help parents maintain a strong bond with their children while teaching responsibility, self-control, and respect.
No Child is “Bad” — Only Behaviors Can Be Bad
Professor Clover emphasizes: “Parents don’t want to shout or hit, but when we’re stressed, we may feel like we have no other choice.”
Studies confirm that physical or verbal punishment can lead to long-term harm, including higher risks of depression, school dropouts, substance abuse, and even health problems later in life. Instead of focusing on punishment, positive discipline teaches through guidance, consistency, and connection.
How to Put Positive Discipline into Practice
1. Plan Quality Time Together
Spending focused time with your child builds trust and reduces behavior problems. Even 5–20 minutes a day can make a difference — whether it’s chatting while washing dishes, singing songs, or folding laundry together.
The key is undivided attention: put away your phone, turn off the TV, and get on your child’s level.
2. Praise the Positive
Children thrive on recognition. Praise reinforces good behavior and helps them feel valued.
Even small actions — like playing nicely with a sibling for a few minutes — deserve acknowledgment.
Encouraging what you want to see reduces the need for discipline in the first place.
3. Set Clear and Achievable Expectations
It’s more effective to tell children what to do rather than what not to do.
Instead of “Don’t make a mess,” say “Please put the toys in the box.”
Make sure the requests are realistic. Ten minutes of quiet after a phone call may be possible; asking for total silence all day is not.
4. Redirect with Creativity
When you notice frustration building, gently shift your child’s attention. Suggest a new game, change the environment, or go for a walk.
The earlier you spot signs of tension — such as two children wanting the same toy — the easier it is to prevent conflict.
5. Use Calm Consequences
Children need to understand that actions have results.
Explain calmly what will happen if rules are broken. For example: “If you draw on the wall, playtime will end.” This gives them a chance to change their behavior before consequences take effect.
Be consistent and keep consequences reasonable — losing phone privileges for an hour works better than for an entire week.
Building Bonds at Different Ages
With younger children:
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Play together — even simple games can boost brain development.
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Be playful and mimic their style; this strengthens trust.
With teenagers:
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They still want your approval, even if they don’t show it.
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Talk about their interests, listen to their favorite music, and involve them in setting household rules and consequences. This shows respect for their growing independence.
Extra Tips for Stressful Times (Like COVID-19)
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Pause Before Reacting
Take five deep breaths before responding to challenging behavior. This helps you stay calm and respond thoughtfully. -
Take Care of Yourself
Make time for activities that relax and recharge you, even if it’s only while the kids are asleep. -
Acknowledge Your Efforts
Every evening, ask yourself: “What did I do well as a parent today?” Remember, no parent gets it right all the time — but trying again is part of the process.
Final Thought:
Positive discipline isn’t about letting children do whatever they want. It’s about guiding them with respect, consistency, and love — so they grow into responsible, confident, and emotionally healthy adults.
How to Discipline Children in a Clever and Healthy Way
Positive discipline for better mental and physical health and a happier childhood.
Every parent eventually faces the question: How do I keep my child disciplined without harming our relationship? Instead of shouting or shaming, there's a better way: positive discipline.
"Parents don’t want to shout or hit, but when we’re stressed, we may feel like we have no other choice." - Lucy Clover, Professor of Pediatrics at Oxford University.
How to Put Positive Discipline into Practice
1. Plan Quality Time Together
Spending focused time with your child builds trust and reduces behavior problems. Even 5–20 minutes a day can make a difference. The key is undivided attention: put away your phone and turn off the TV.
2. Praise the Positive
Children thrive on recognition. Praising small actions, like playing nicely with a sibling, reinforces good behavior and helps them feel valued. This reduces the need for discipline in the first place.
3. Set Clear and Achievable Expectations
It’s more effective to tell children what to do rather than what not to do. For example, instead of “Don’t make a mess,” say “Please put the toys in the box.” Make sure your requests are realistic.
4. Redirect with Creativity
When you notice frustration building, gently shift your child’s attention. Suggest a new game, change the environment, or go for a walk. The earlier you spot signs of tension, the easier it is to prevent conflict.
5. Use Calm Consequences
Explain calmly what will happen if rules are broken. For example: “If you draw on the wall, playtime will end.” This gives them a chance to change their behavior. Be consistent and keep consequences reasonable.
Building Bonds at Different Ages
Younger Children
- Play together to boost brain development.
- Mimic their style to strengthen trust.
Teenagers
- Talk about their interests and listen to their music.
- Involve them in setting household rules to show respect for their independence.
Extra Tips for Stressful Times
Pause Before Reacting: Take five deep breaths before responding.
Take Care of Yourself: Make time for activities that relax and recharge you.
Acknowledge Your Efforts: Remember, no parent gets it right all the time—but trying again is part of the process.
Positive discipline isn’t about letting children do whatever they want. It’s about guiding them with respect, consistency, and love—so they grow into responsible, confident, and emotionally healthy adults.
